Expectations and Energies

One of the most useful things I learned as a mother was when a Waldorf teacher said to me, "a lot of our anger or frustration towards our children comes from false expectations of what they are capable of" Over the years this knowledge helped me to become a better mother. But it has also helped me realize how, in life itself, expectations can often be our "downfall".

We are often well-equipped to deal with expected traumas and trials but when we are hit by something "unexpected" we lash out and ask the world "why?" - Why am I being treated this way? Why did this person do this to me? Why is this person acting like this???

Last week I had to laugh at myself when I was caught in a situation where I exposed my weakness to this principle. A month ago I contacted someone with the best intentions, as the moderator of an e-mail list, suggesting that they modify their post. I was trying to prevent someone else from being hurt by their words and I felt my e-mail to them was very diplomatic.

However, their response was very negative. They questioned many things about me and my e-mail and it upset me very much that they responded to me in that way. I spoke to my friends about it and my reaction was filled with phrases like, "Why didn't she take my e-mail in a more positive way?" , "How could she attack me like that?" and "I am so hurt".

What made me laugh was that a few days ago I posted a video to the Internet that I was almost sure would contain something to offend some people. I did not intend to offend anyone but I did realize that the topic I had "tackled" was a bit of a touchy subject for some people so I was open to my e-mail box being filled the next day with angry mail. I would not have minded if fifty people wrote to me and said I was awful. As it was, nobody wrote any mean letters to me.

I sat staring at my e-mail box the next day shaking my head and wondering, "Why are people not over-reacting? Why don't I have any angry e-mails? Will they be coming tomorrow?"

Then I started laughing! This was the same desk and same position I had been in three weeks ago when I asked a different question, "Why is this person over-reacting? Why did she send an angry e-mail?"

Why is it that sometimes, then, we are open for feedback and sometimes we are not? Why are we happy to listen to some feedback and others we are upset by? Why do we feel attacked at times and other times we are happy to "be attacked"? Expectations. It is an awareness that can heal many areas of our life.